Well, its official. School is out. After locking myself in my room screaming and crying I finally regained my composure and went before the Lord to seek His forgiveness and His wisdom. First of all I should not have had a temper tantrum. I knew summer was coming. If you have a child with or have encountered a child with Asperger's you will know what summer means. This is the time of year where my buttons are pushed beyond my limits and where I learn to trust God even more than I ever thought possible as a human. "What's so different with your son than with my child", you ask. With my son it doesn't end even through the night. He is 14 and cannot sleep. He wonders the house through the night sleeping here and there. This alone takes a toll on him and his attitude for the day. Add that to Asperger's and puberty and you have a total mess, an emotional melt down, an angry and in your face with fists raised teenage boy. When I do get to shut my eyes for some rest it is very restless sleep. My heart aches for my son. I pray continueally for him and for his future. I wonder when he will make a true friend, one he can trust. Not someone who says they are a friend but then turns on him and makes fun of him to the point of tears. Or someone who says yah, we can be friends but ignores his calls or his hellos when he sees them. This is not just at school but this is in church as well. Of course my son has no idea they are being cruel. He forgives them over and over again only to be humiliated each time. He says they will change but in the end they never do. And still he forgives. I pray and wonder if he will ever be able to keep a job with the quick temper and lack of respect for authority he has. Yes, we do discipline in our home. We even believe in corporal punishment. We use our discipline to train our children and we forgive them just as Christ has called us to do. It has been said before behind my back as well as to me that I do not love my children because of my son's attitude and his actions. But I know that these people do not see me through God's eyes nor does God see me through their's. God knows my deep love for my son and my other children. They are not perfect nor am I. But each one of us will keep runing the race we are supposed to run, we will look to God as our example and not to anyone else. And when the race is done I just pray that each one of my children will have run with all their strength, all their soul and all their might. May they glorify God throughout their life and thank Him for all He has given them. So summer is here once again. I will try to do all I can to enjoy it and to learn from it.
